24 hours on Testosterone (T)

Well, indeed I did leave the doctors office with a prescription for T and went straight to the pharmacy to fill it. Shock of all shocks, my insurance covered it. $19.00 for the T (injectable) and all the syringes. I was pleasantly surprised. Who knows maybe down the road they will figure it out and stop. Or maybe the Parody Law is being honored. Time will tell.

I debated back and forth about injections vs. a patch and for a variety of reasons primarily money, decided on the injections. Getting home and pressing the needle against my thigh… initially I felt like I cannot do this. Perhaps my first experience of “manning up”. I confronted my aversion with open curiosity and shifted my awareness into the factual experience moment to moment. The hardest part was getting it thru the initial layer of derma, then, going slowly thru out, it was painless. Most medical people were trained to inject quickly and the reality is the slower you go the less painful it is – save the initial puncture. pushing it slowly into the muscle I truly felt nothing. Did a little massage after to get it to move thru the tissue and no muscle soreness at all.

I wont bore you with the doctors appt. I took my good friend Jamie with me as support and an additional voice of my readiness. This doctor does not require a letter and does her own evaluation. I was clear and honest and had self educated so I think it showed and she quickly wrote the prescription.

Today is what I want to talk about cuz man I FEEL GOOD!!! I am a pretty in touch person, connected to the minutiae of experience. Embodied in this disconnected sort of way. Well today I was embodied and connected. I feel good in my skin for the first time in my life. I feel really good. I keep getting curious is this the T coursing thru me or is this the simple reality of taking this step? I think it is both. Apparently this is how many trans people experience it. So day one has been a pretty awesome day.

I am working on reigning in my excitement and not just blurting it out to the world (namely my clients -cuz in the blog I am blurting it out to the world). I am a psychotherapist in private practice and experience both fear and trust around coming out to my clients. And ultimately there is wisdom in waiting until I am clear about how far I need to go before outing myself. I do want to believe in the good in humanity and trust that my clients will see me for who I am and not get too freaked out when I tell them. And the reality is, I do not know how any of them will respond and can just hope, they know in their hearts and minds I am the same awesome person as I was yesterday.

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3 Comments

  1. I appreciate that you are continuing on your journey to fulfill your true place in life. It takes courage womanTman. What ever the outcome, I will always love and cherish who you are on the inside and outside!

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