I am feeling grateful for two friend who are also colleagues and a strong source of referrals. We met yesterday for lunch to discuss their work related struggles with my transition. Fearing that referring to a transgender therapist might negatively impact their practice. As friends they are present, loving and supportive. They are honest about their confusion around the whole thing and willing to have open dialog.
I am grateful that my first experience of trans phobia is with people who love and respect me. I receive it as an eye opener to what may come from many others – minus perhaps the open dialog. I know that I tend to see the best in people and reality. I do believe that regardless of the losses that will come from this process, there will be many gains that supersede the losses. Work, of course, is my greatest fear of loss. I would be naïve to believe this will not impact clients if I choose to fully transition to male. I will likely lose a few. And some will never enter my door who might have otherwise.
It is an interesting dilemma. I am clear inside that I will not allow this to stop me from what feels right. If, as I move further down this road, I realize I need to be male, that gender neutral is just not cutting it any more, I have to trust that other avenues will open for me. I am a gifted therapist and energy worker. My work is not done.