Gender I am discovering is quite a complicated matter. Our traditional binary system of male and female is so very limiting. Yes I feel a gender expression of male feels more in alignment with who I am. AND I am so much more and always will be so much more than simply male or female. However, we are so set on perceptions. We see boobs and long hair and we see a woman. We see short hair and muscles and we see a man. And when we see a woman or a man we have all these incredibly preconceived notions of what that means. So I have been asking myself a lot of questions about who am I, who have I been, who am I becoming… and I realize most importantly, I am me and always will be.
Professionally, I work with primarily women who want a female therapist. So what will expressing male on the outside mean for my practice? Will the unique work that I offer for trauma survivors and people exploring personal and spiritual growth be lost to those who have since benefited? Will new doors open that I cannot even imagine making this a mute point?
I read trans-men’s experiences in the male body so radically changing. Women crossing the street when they see a man walking in her direction. Woman having such fearful images of men. And the flip side, trans-men suddenly feeling a whole new level of appreciation, respect, and acceptance as they reap the benefits of male privilege. I acknowledge that the process I am in puts all of this right in my path. It is unavoidable. But I really do not like what I am waking up to.