Update

A quick little post. As I studied for the GRE, it was suggested I start with a pre-test to see my strengths and weaknesses. Ingenious – I guess this is why reading the getting started section is important, as low and behold there it was as well. So anyways, I did. My top school requires two out of these three scores or higher:
Verbal – 153
Quantitative – 144
Analytic Writing – 4.5

I got:
Verbal – 158
Quantitative – 137
Analytic Writing – hard to say but I gave myself a 5.5 – no one there to grade it

I am completely relieved. I knew I would do ok in verbal and writing and with a little work I will excel. And I was shocked to see I was so close on the qualitative. Again a little work and I should do ok on this one.

Whew!!!!

Advertisements

It is official

Hi everyone – I wanted to let you know that I will likely not be writing a whole lot in the next few months. I am officially applying to get into a PhD program in women’s and gender studies. Just got off the phone with the director of my number one choice: University of Arizona, Tucson, and feel jazzed. I was truly worried about getting in since I have not been in school in 13 years, I have zero background in gender, women’s or feminist studies (which is highly recommended), and as I study for the GRE I realize just how much I suck at math. The director put me at ease. Felt very welcoming and gave me some great tips on creating a great application and even encouraged me to make contact with a couple faculty members who could become advocates for me – which had been crossing my mind to do, so good validation. So, please send some positive vibes my way to make the path to grad school open before me, making it so my passion supersedes all my shortcomings.

And do watch for a writing I am working on that will take to task this video on why trans gender people don’t exist in the minds of radical feminists http://earthfirstjournal.org/newswire/2013/05/15/deep-green-transphobia/ . I will be using this as part of my application.

Why I still feel like a lesbian

I have been pondering “who am I” lately. Since returning from my trip and settling back into my life where I am just me again, normal routine, interactions etc… Not boring just life as usual where I am simply treated like a human being and not a man or woman. Or maybe I am just not as hyper aware as I was traveling. Regardless, I ask myself am I still me? Have I changed significantly? My sister says other than voice, smell and chest I am the same. According to a friend energetically I am more solid, strong. I have more firm edges than before. But everyone agrees, the core of me is the same. So this is good affirmation for what I feel inside.

Now what I ponder is what is my sexual orientation? Has it changed? I feel like I exist in the no-man’s land of gender. Neither strictly male nor female. I am primarily attracted to lesbian women with a newfound openness to exploring with men, yet my primary attraction is still to lesbian women. Why do I differentiate lesbian women from women in general? Well, I interact with many women in the course of a week, my gaydar is quite in tact, and it is not the straight women that I feel attracted to. They are either clearly lesbian or sometimes bi (tho even bi-sexual women I am less attracted to). When I feel into me, into the truth of my gender queerness and not clearly fitting into either category but encompassing both, I recognize I am both gender queer and sexual queer. Logic tells me, because I still relate to me as I am, because I am queer and because I am attracted primarily to lesbians and or bi women, I am a lesbian still. The problem with this is again in the lack of language. But hey, until there is a word for it, I can call myself whatever feels right. Now I just hope there is another lesbian woman out there who can see beyond the gender ambiguity and love me fully for who I am.