A kiss

My hairstylist kissed me after I told him I was transitioning. I don’t know what else to say, I found it very touching and sweet. He is a New Yorker and it seems he is missing the diversity here in our little mountain town that he had in NY.

I never followed up on the swim. Overall went very well, however I almost didn’t go. About 2 hrs before I began having a major panic attack. Lightheaded, heart pounding, blood rushing too fast thru body, chest tight, sweating, foggy headed. After about thirty minutes of telling myself just don’t go, I decided to take a valium instead. That really helped. So I went and I plunged and used the men’s locker room. with the option of a family locker room I am not likely to do that again. It was fine really, but another one of those showers where they are all together. Fortunately my timing was good and no one was in the locker room but me until the last 5 minutes. He used the locker right next to me which is interesting considering the numerous other options. Oh and when I peed I passed another guy. I am finding the notion that men generally do not make eye contact in the bathrooms to be false. But I will acknowledge I have to be making eye contact for eye contact to happen – but eye contact always happened there and other situations of past.

The pool time was awesome, so dang liberating and right feeling.

The Jacuzzi, I was struck by the big smile this older guy gave me as I entered. He definitely initiated eye contact. Felt very welcoming.

And the sauna… it was fine, but I did find this one guy staring at me. J noticed it too. I will say, I have a very large tribal tattoo, half sleeve, over the shoulder and covering my right pec… and it may be this is what he was looking at. Hard to say. Regardless, I never felt unsafe and it definitely helped to have J there.

So only thing I will do differently in the future is use the family locker room.

I am swimming at the gym tonight

My ex invited me to join her for a swim at the rec center before we meet for dinner tonight. This will be my first swim indoors. Jamie said she would meet me in the locker room. I hmmed. She said, oh right. So the choice is the men’s locker room or the family locker room. I will opt for the family locker room as long as it isn’t occupied. Men’s will be default. Tho part of me wonders if I should just get it over with, use the men’s knowing Jamie is next door as moral support. And see how it goes. I will keep you posted.

A side note: a couple months ago, I was doing a fitness class at a private gym in town. The owners wife approached me after a class, fumbling for words (I was obviously her first trans interaction), she told me she wants this to be my second home and wondered if she could support me in anyway to feel more comfortable. How awesome is that!! WE discussed locker rooms as that was the only angst I felt. Nick her husband and the leader of my classes did great, whenever separating the class by gender he put me with the other guys. But I still hadn’t used the shower. I rushed home to shower and get to work on time. It was $500/mth for the classes so after a month I stopped. Never did use the locker rooms but loved the support I felt!! If I join a gym, I will go there vs the rec center.